The Christmas Compromise
When my son was 12 years old, he had a pre-Christmas melt down. I did what I always do. I asked for three big items. I get one of the big items and would suggest the other two to the grandparents. 9 times out of 10, they got those two items from their grandparents. That year, my son had 3 big Lego sets he wanted but he wanted one more than the others. That is the one I got him.
As Christmas got closer, I wrapped our gifts and put them under our tree. Now, if you have ever gotten Legos or given anyone Legos, you know that wrapping Legos doesn’t really hide them. The only thing that sounds like wrapped Legos is, in fact, wrapped Legos. So, my son knew he was getting one of the Lego sets from us. That was not sufficient information for him.
Everyday, and I mean every single day, he would ask me if that gift was THE set he wanted. Every day I would answer that it was one of the three. Each day his question sounded more and more desperate. I finally told him that he was getting all the Legos he asked for, but I wasn’t going to tell him which was under our tree. That was still not enough.
On the last day he asked me, and after I gave him my standard answer, his face and body were full of panic. I’m talking about a real panic attack. Here was my 12-year-old son, having a full blown panic-attack about a Christmas gift. This seemed like the exact opposite of Christmas spirit.
Once I got him calmed down, I told him I would tell him which Lego was under our tree if he understood that he was not getting it early and it is the only thing he gets to know early. By this time, he knew the truth about Santa. So, I told him which one was under our tree. I could visibly see the anxiety and fear leave his face and body. He went on to enjoy the rest of the season without asking me another gift question.
The next year, as Christmas got closer, he asked if he could know his gift from us again. This is the year we established the Christmas Compromise. I tell him the monetary limit on gifts under the tree, he picks something out, but he can’t ask about anything else I might do either under the tree or in the stocking. He has picked out his tree gift every single year since. And he never asks about anything else.
I love everything about Christmas: the religious meaning, the commercial hoopla, but especially the looks of joy on kids’ faces as they open their surprises. My son knowing his big “surprise” hurt my Christmas loving heart. But, for my son, I had to redefine what Christmas surprise means for him. Now it means that I fill his stocking with silly white- elephant trinkets and we both have a good laugh.
