The One Where It Goes in One Ear and Out the Other

My son has a hidden talent. He knows every episode of Friends. If you tell him a small part of the plot, he can tell you the exact season and episode where it happens. He can tell you who said what, when and why. He can tell you all the instances where the show contradicts itself. He can tell you about bloopers and behind the scenes. He cannot tell you where he put my car keys, when his next project is due, or why his shoes are in the middle of the floor.

property of Warner Bros.

I am amazed by the amount of trivia he can hold in his head. He has his Friends trick, he can give you detailed background information on any Marvel Character you name, and his current obsession is NFL Football particularly the Bengals. But once again, he has no idea what he ate for lunch.

For me, this is one of the most frustrating traits of ADHD. I just want to scream “how can you quote every line of Friends, but you can’t remember I asked you to take the trash out 5 minutes ago!”

I think there is a secret tunnel that opens in his brain when he is hearing something he doesn’t deem interesting. That tunnel literally runs in one ear and out the other. The tunnel also has a built in steel trap that releases when he ears a word that captures his attention.

For instance:

 Me: If it doesn’t rain tomorrow (secret tunnel is opening because he couldn’t care less if it rains tomorrow) we should go to King’s Island (steel trap activated on King’s Island).

Him: So tomorrow we’re going to King’s Island.

Me: I said (the tunnel resumes because he already heard King’s Island -he doesn’t need a refresher) if it doesn’t rain.

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Next Day during torrential thunderstorm.

Him: When are we leaving for King’s Island?

Me: It’s raining.

Him: But you said we would go today.

Me: I said if it wasn’t raining.

Him: No, you didn’t.

Me: Yes, I did. Twice.

Cue outrage, indignation and accusations of me lying to him.

 Luckily, ADHD means that he quickly moves on to something else. At least until the next time I say Kings Island, then he must remind me “remember that time you said we could go but didn’t”. And he STILL doesn’t remember where he put my car keys.

My daughter is incredibly articulate about her ADHD. Just a reminder, she is 10 years old. She can talk to you about focusing, distractions, and the ways ADHD makes school harder for her. She told her teachers that they would know when her medication isn’t working because she talks a lot (her emphasis). She can tell you which school subject she is in when she no longer feels the positive effects of the medication. She can also tell you all about her 504 and why she needs the specific accommodations. This is the result of several specific school incidents with her brother and herself.

 1.       My son was in fourth grade, and I noticed that his schoolwork was declining. He seemed to have more questions about what they went over in class when trying to complete his homework. His confidence in reading and his general enjoyment of school were going down. His teacher was uncharacteristically non-communicative. I finally asked the principal what was going on. He stated that my son’s teacher was going through a divorce and that she was having a hard time and would try her best to accommodate his 504 plan. Um…no. After this I made sure my children knew what accommodations are supposed to be in place for them and to let me know if these aren’t being done.

 2.        This ties into #1. My son’s fifth grade math teacher announced to the class that she was no longer helping students when they had questions. Seriously. I checked because I thought my son had to be lying about it. When I questioned the teacher about the statement, her response was “well [he] and [another kid with a 504] can still ask questions, that doesn’t apply to them”. That was when I realized that not only did, he need to know what was in his 504 but also how to approach a teacher about what is in his 504. Side note: that teacher retired at the end of that school year.

 3.       I was in the hall prior to a 1st grade classroom presentation, and another parent mentioned that her daughter was embarrassed by being in the reading intervention group the school called Book Club. Now I could be 100% wrong, but I think embarrassment at that age originates from parents or siblings. I decided at that moment that I would teach my daughter to be empowered by her brain, and not embarrassed by it. She knows she struggles with some things because of ADHD but she also knows that ADHD increases her imagination and creativity.

 4.       In 2nd grade, my daughter started asking for an extra pill in the morning. At her next medication check with her pediatrician, I mentioned it to her Dr. The doctor took her seriously and asked some questions about why she was asking for an extra pill. The doctor told me that it was not uncommon for children to recognize the benefit of medication with their schoolwork and peer relationships and when the benefit wanes, the child will try to verbalize that need. I questioned the pediatrician, “really at 8, she can put that together?” Yes, the pediatrician assured me, and we increased the dose. I decided that part of assessing/monitoring my daughter needed to include asking her how she felt in her body and mind. As I talk to her about what she is feeling, she gets better at identifying and communicating as well.   

I admit I cringe when I hear parents talking like ADHD is the modern day “scarlet letter” that their child is forced to wear for public humiliation. I love that my daughter can tell her friends, “My brain works too fast for me sometimes”. I love that she can say “Mom, I can’t focus right now” and that she trusts me to believe her.